Something Sexy for my Male Readers

Look, I'm straight, but when these pics were sent to me this morning, I thought 'damn, smoking'! And I thought I'll make it my duty today to cheer the men up. It's just 'the right thing to do'. I usually don't put anything on my blog that would offend people, but I'm all about creating a stir!
So, if you haven't had your morning-caffeine-fix, I don't think you'll need it after this. Here you go men! Enjoy.

See? Told you. HOT.
J

It's Friday and I...

... am going to Ceres for the weekend.
... am driving around in my new Yaris and I am just so in love with it!
... am still on the hunt for a great hairdresser in my area. Any suggestions?
... have two pairs of sunnies, from House of JD, on the way. One for me and one for a giveaway on my blog, coming soooooon!
... have sent my entry for the 'Write for Bronx' blogger-search competition. Hold thumbs for me please!
... think this week flew by! It feels like a missed two days, somewhere, somehow.
... really think we, or someone who's got loads of time on their hands, should arrange a 'bloggers party', where all the local bloggers can meet up. Wouldn't that be cool!
... sometimes wish I had someone to wine and dine me.
... am so hooked on vintage-anything, flower accessories and tan coloured shoes!
... bought the hottest shoes last night, speaking of which!
... am going to post pictures of a 1950's-inspired photo shoot I went for, so watch this space!

Have a fabulous weekend, darlings! Now someone, go on and arrange a lil' get-together for all the bloggers!

J

Why I should write for Bronx Ladies!

Y'all know my obsession with blogging and my obsession (which is an understatement) with shoes! So when I saw that Bronx Ladies SA is doing a bloggers search where you can win a whole year's supply of shoes, I nearly fainted! I mean, how can I just let that opportunity pass me by? Hell no!
Earlier this month Cape Town Girl announced on her blog that Bronx is searching for a "gorgeous, sexy girl-about-town who leads a fun, fashion-and-party-filled lifestyle, who would write about everything from what’s hot on the catwalks to what’s hot in their wardrobes right now".

And, if you think you're a cool chick-blogger who can totally pull this off, then go ahead and enter here. You can write about any topic of up to 300 words! Just think of that prize - shoes for a whole effing year! So darlings, allow me to attempt an entry and tell convince Bronx Ladies SA that I should write for them...

I love blogging, because it's an escape. Here I can tell you what's on my mind, I can express, I can be silly, I can be funny, I can be random and I can just let it all out. Here I get to be myself. I love writing, especially blogging, because there are no rules. Not in my blog, anyway.


I show girls that I'm just like them. I am hooked on competitions and freebies. I share the things I can’t say no to, that most people won’t even admit to! I come across fabulous finds, be it expensive Jimmy Choos or self-help books. I even introduce my readers to new things, like NoMU Foods or great photographers. I hate going to gym and while others blog about fitness advice, I tell you the unwritten rules of a gym. I blog about my personal life, my animals and my great friends. I'm not afraid to speak my mind and tell people to boycott L'Oreal because of their animal testing. I embrace my inner-prophet and make up quotes or inspirational lists. I show my motherly side and tell girls about the stages of a break-up or things that every girl should invest in. I have a glamorous side too and go for photo shoots and attend great events where I rub shoulders with celebs. Or I would just make up an excuse to party and have loads of champagne!

I think I should write for Bronx because I'm a normal girl and I talk like a normal, straight-forward, shoe-addict, fashion-loving, fun City girl. I don't use big words that would require my readers to first use Thesaurus. Because seriously, who talks like that? But when I do talk, people listen. I grab attention because I talk sense and people can relate. That's why I should write for YOU Bronx.

The six star hangover!

I've received an e-mail about the different kinds of hangovers, but the six star hangover just took me back to my party days. Actually, just took me back to last weekend. Nevertheless, I'm sharing it with you, but edited it according to my experiences. If you can't relate, then you haven't partied. And I mean, partied.

You arrive home after a party and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises in your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has been cleared for take-off and is flying relentlessly around the room. It's spinning really fast and you're clutching the duvet in the hope not to fall off. No matter what you do now, you're going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and notice that your room as turned into a yacht under full sail with rough seas under your feet. Is this even your room? After stumbling down the passage, alternating between the two walls, you find your way to the toilet. The light has never seemed so bright. Hopefully you are lucky enough to reach the toilet in time and remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode. You wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls. You sit there on the floor in your undies, clutching the only friend you have left in the world (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short-lived. Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and your partner usually goes back to bed, leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-min intervals, but your body won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion. Or was that perhaps a piece of your liver? It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. Your partner abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits or dried vomit in your hair. You reek of vomit, tequila and cigarettes, and your body is ice cold. All you want now is sleep, but you reluctantly accept your partner's advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital. Death seems like an easy way out. Work is simply not an option. The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that will make you sick again, like moving. You want to cry but that would take the last drop of moisture out of your body. All you want now is a full English breakfast with loads of fries and a 2L Creamsoda. You vow never to touch a drop of alcohol again and who knows, for the next two or three hours you might even succeed.

Ok, now hands up all those who have had a six star hangover! Thought so.

(Image found here)

Here is Madonna, minus the airbrushing.

I always thought Madonna is ageless, I mean, she just looks so good for someone so old. My mom grew up with her music and I grew up with her music, yet, Madonna still looks incredible to this day. Then I came across this image...

I haven't changed my mind about how incredibly talented she is, but I have definitely changed my mind about the 'ageless' part. Saying that Madonna has made her mark in the music industry and in music history is an understatement, because she is phenomenal! I just wish someone would tell her that a lady of her age shouldn't be posing in undies anymore. It just aint sexy when you're all wrinkly and stuff.

J

Does it make me a bad person if I laughed at this?

No disrespect to disabled people, but I'm sorry, this motivational poster made my day. I'm not a bad person, I just have a really good sense of humour!

(Click on pic to enlarge)

J

So this is what a skinny bitch looks like. No thanks!

There are three things a girl can never have enough of,

1. A girl can never have enough shoes
2. A girl can never have enough money
3. A girl can never be skinny enough.

True. But today I changed my mind about rule #3. When there's a new fad diet, detoxing kak or 'be thin by the weekend' gym routine, I'm first in line. But as of today I promise to never complain about having meat on my bones. I promise to never even try losing my curves. I promise to never skip a meal again. And I promise to never feel bad when I go for that second helping.

New rule for girls:

3. A girl can never be voluptuous enough.

Somebody please give this model a sandwich. And fries. And a double cheese pizza with onions and a steak on the side.

Jemma

(Image found here)

Would you still eat Caviar?

These photos were sent to me this morning, and, if there were any chance of me ever trying Caviar, these pictures have just ruined it. Permanently. I know Caviar is just some fancy word for fish eggs, but I had no idea just how disgusting the whole expensive process is.

The next time you enjoy a cracker with cream cheese topped with Caviar, think about this blog post.

Gross.

They say, I say... what do you do say?

Ever been told that you 'should do this because it's good for us' or 'shouldn't do that' or 'buy this instead' or even 'you know what they say'. My question has always been, who are they? Who are these people who think they are so superior? It could be old wives' tales to try and keep me out of trouble, but nevertheless, this is what they say and what I say to them (the shit some people come up with...):

They say drink 8 - 12 glasses of water, because it's good for you.

I ask, do you have any idea how many trips to the bathroom this will be? I've been drinking about 3 glasses of water a day, ever since I can remember, and I'm still alive!

They say if you live off salmon and water for a month, it will take about 10 years off your face.

I say, I don't eat salmon and I don't want to look like a 13-year old anyway! If I were to reverse my ageing process, I'll just buy anti-wrinkle creams. It is the year 2010 after all.

They say (and I've heard a lot of beauticians backing this), don't use Bio-Oil because it's bad for you.

I say what the eff are you talking about? There's a HUGE market for it and, thanks to Bio-Oil, I don't have one mark, scar or stretch mark.

They say you should eat about 3 - 4 meals a day with snacks in between.

I say I don't have time.

They say Christmas is a time for giving.

I agree, BUT to me it's a time for receiving too. I love gifts and if I spend time and money on finding you the perfect gift, I sure as hell expect something in return. Agree?

The say don't hate the player, hate the game.

I say, seriously? There's nothing a player can say in his/ her defense, because you should never cheat!

They say people who smoke at the office, actually have 2 days extra leave.

I agree, so where are my 2 extra days!

They say good things come to those who wait.

I say get up from your lazy ass and make it happen.

What craziness have you heard and what do you have to say to them? I can write a book!

(Image found here)

Christina Aguilera - it keeps getting better!

 

The 90's will always be remembered for the 'fros, rap breaking into the music scene and the whole pop explosion that took place. Oh and I was so behind that pop explosion! I had all the CD's (and tapes!) of the Backstreet Boys, Madonna, Venga Boys, Britney Spears, 'N Sync, Aqua and Christina Aguilera. I'm so glad to see that most of these artists are still around today even if some of them lost the plot a bit.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I still love Britney and my favourite is still Christina Aguilera! I have all their CD's, DVD's, live shows and perfumes - I'm such a nerd! Christina has the rarest and goose-bump-worthy talent out there and I just love how she keeps reinventing herself. She went from the innocent girl in Genie in a Bottle, to the wild woman in Moulin Rouge, to the dirrty phase, to the 1950's pin-up girl, then the apparent Lady Gaga look, to being a mommy and now back to the glam goddess. This woman really likes to keep her fans on the edge of their chairs! She changes her look so much, that it's often hard to recognise her, but I guess that leaves room for role-playing with her and Jordan. I mean, is it Lady Gaga or Marilyn Monroe or Katy Perry? Though there are some resemblances at times, I don't believe Christina is a copy-cat. If she's copying another artist's style, they should take it as a compliment!

I will always remain a loyal fan, because in my eyes, Christina can do no wrong. Her style is so sexy, yet she does it tastefully and with class. Her music career, marriage and parenting skills are all successful, and you'll never catch her without underwear! Britney, Paris and Lindsay, are you taking notes?

What do you think of Christina's transformations over the years and which is your favourite? I love her 1950's pin-up girl look and I'm really looking forward to whatever she's planning next!

Jemma

Twilight Twaddle - save me!

So D-day is almost here for the Twi-hards, though, I’m not feeling the love. I’m probably the only person walking this earth right now who isn’t hooked on Twilight. I must admit, I haven’t even watched it (apart from the trailers and interviews being shoved in my face), but I somehow feel that it’s not going to make a difference. This is my opinion (followed by your repugnance, I’m sure): it’s a vampire movie minus the blood, the horror that cultivates when the sun sets, hearts being ripped from chests, brutal devours, underground night clubs or crazy sex. In other words, nothing like From Dust till Dawn, I am Legend or True Blood, which is a total shame, because that’s the shit vampire movies are made of. Then I’ve also heard it’s a ‘romantic movie’ to which I will be ‘crying my eyes out’. Excuse me! I don’t want to be crying when I watch teenagers’ love-triangle unfold, because if I did, I would just watch 10 Things I hate about you for the 16th time. Twilight is a vampire movie, so I want to see the old-fashioned vampire stuff that haunts me in my dreams for weeks thereafter. How can pretty vamps possibly haunt me? I want to watch a real vampire movie that will have me convinced they exist. And I want to be scared of getting a papercut!

Then, I’m not really a fan of the tan-less Robert Pattinson, Kirsten Steward or Taylor Lautner, because they fall in the same league as Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez and High School Musical, which would’ve been appropriate if I was 16 years old. Besides, who are these actors anyway? Who were they before Twilight? No one. I believe an overnight success will go as quickly as it came. Remember how in love you were with Harry Potter? I rest my case.

To me, Twilight is a tween phenomenon that doesn’t really have me convinced it's worth watching. Usually I’d give any new craze a chance and see what the fuss is about, then move on. But in this case, there's no ‘moving on’, because there’s Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. Where will the madness end?

I’m not against ‘team Edward’ or ‘team Jacob’; I’m just pro-proper-vampire-movies! I guess it sounds too much like a chick-flick for me to care. And there's nothing like a chick-flick to insult my intelligence.

J
(Image found here)

Civilized South Africa!

I tried to restrain myself, but it was only a matter of time before a blog post would feature soccer, though there is something I need to get off my chest. Ok, so it's not entirely about soccer (because my knowledge is limited), but more of South Africa. I'm so glad the Soccer World Cup is taking place right here! I thought it was going to be an embarrassment for our country, because I didn't have faith in our people. I didn't think we'd pull it off, and, instead I thought tourists would be raped, murdered or robbed. I mean, come on, we don't really have a good track record when it comes to crime (and my mirror socks were stolen)! 

Well, I take back every negative thought I had, because we're halfway through and things are running smoothly! Everything is about soccer, whether you like it or not. It is so pleasant to pick up a newspaper and not see 'murder', 'blood' or 'corruption' in the headlines - everything is just about soccer. There is one thing I did see in the newspaper that didn't really come as a shock. A foreigner was quoted as saying "I didn't know South Africa was so civilized". Well duh!

So here is the part I would like to get off my chest (and listen up foreigners!): We are more than just civilized! South Africa is a beautiful country with even more beautiful, talented, PROUD people! There are more to SA than the Big 5, Table Mountain or Nelson Mandela. We use money, that we work for, when we buy things in malls, restaurants or boutiques. We even use a currency called 'rand'. Now I bet you didn't see that one coming, because somewhere you read that we trade with cattle. Just like our water, our milk is safe to drink - and it's delicious! Then let me not go into the wines we make, among other things! We live in houses (the wealthier ones in mansions) and we have things like satellite TV, designer clothes, dishwashers and washing machines. We even have our own actors, models, fashion designers, singers and reality TV shows; homebrewed. Shocked yet? Well, then I probably shouldn't tell you that we have cars parked in our garages, and it's cars like BMW, Mercedes and 4X4's. We don't run around barefeet with our babies tied to our backs. We don't have wild animals parading through our streets. The women are not topless, unless the price is right. And lastly, the majority of us don't live in poverty with AIDS and have our men hunt during the day.

See, we're pretty (and) normal on this side of the world. It might not be Vegas, but we also party and get drunk - some more than others.

Again, I'm so proud the Soccer World Cup is happening right here, because it's a chance to prove ourselves, a chance to finally put South Africa on the map once and for all, and a chance for the world to open its eyes.

J

One day, Kimora....ONE DAY

So I'm sitting here at my boring, dusty, cluttered desk and typing on a black, even dustier, coffee stained keyboard (the Vivienne is resting), when I actually should be in Canal Walk at the Baby Phat store hanging out with Kimora Lee Simmons! Everyone who knows me, KNOWS I love the Queen of Fabulosity, so when I heard she's in our beautiful SA, I almost died. Ok, not really, but you catch my drift. THEN, Cosmopolitan held a competition where ONE lucky bitch will get to meet her and they'll throw in a Baby Phat goodie bag. Helloooo!

I entered a million times and I was SO SURE Cosmopolitan will contact me and give me the great news. I had even planned how I would go into serious debt to ensure I'm covered in Baby Phat! I mean, I can't be caught wearing anything else when I meet her. What a slap in the face that would be!

Well, as I said, I'm sitting here and blogging, which means I didn't win. Obviously. I hope the bitch who won falls and breaks her nose lucky girl who won, enjoys it on behalf of all the other Kimora fans out there!

Sigh.