Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So he didn't put a ring on it. That doesn't mean he didn't like it.

I thought it's time for me to blog about something a little more personal. If you follow my tweets, you would probably have noticed that I'm newly-single. Today I thought I'd share the ups and downs of single life and things I wished someone could've shared with me. Just like my emotions right now, this post is probably going to be really perplexed and bewildered.

How and why we broke up, isn't important. It ended on good terms and I walked away with loads of lessons and memories. But let me tell you, if you're in a relationship that is just not working, let it go! Yes, you will, just like me, end up being ten times more miserable, but time (apparently) heals all wounds.

Single life sounds so glamorous and like it could be filled with wild, drunken nights. You can be who you want, be with who you want and do just what ever the fuck you want. Yes, single life equals freedom, something I thought I really wanted. The future looked so bright. Boy, was I wrong, because before you get to the fun part of actually experiencing the true meaning of singlehood, there are a lot of shit to deal with. My journey thus far can only be described as 'one huge adjustment'. Starting over isn't for sissies, I'll have you know.

I've been told that, after a break-up, one goes through three stages. Grieving. Regret. Moving on. Stage 1 is where you fight about who gets what (if you have lived together and it could turn ugly); you try to go out to just distract yourself; you move out and you start over. If you're a girl, you suddenly realise how much of your independence has been taken away. Before I met my (ex) boyfriend, I lived on my own and had my own car. It wasn't the biggest flat and my car was an ancient Beetle, but it was mine. Now I walk out of this relationship with zero. After 6 years I'm back to living with my parents and I am looking for a car, because as Murphy's Law would have it, the car I'm driving is in my boyfriend's name. Stage 1 you're still numb about the whole thing and you're so distracted by just adjusting to your new environment and routine, that you don't actually deal with your broken heart. You go to work in the week and do the usual thing, but it's the weekends that are tough. You wonder where your ex is, whether he's ok or who he is partying with. You drive yourself crazy with questions. Whether you have initiated the break-up or not, you fear the day he will actually move on to someone else. Once you've moved out, you start missing materialistic things like (in my case) a walk-in wardrobe, a big room, a big kitchen, the spacious bathrooms and the privacy! It sounds shallow but it's the honest truth. There is an upside to living with your parents. For starters, you don't need to clean the whole house, you don't have to cook, someone does your laundry with love and you don't pay rent. It's also great having a support team around you, because if I had to be alone right now, I probably would've gone into depression. Thus far I've been really strong, but when I get to stage 2, it will all sink in and then the shit will hit the emotional fan. Do note: stage 1 is different for men than to women, because where we would cry and deal with our emotions, men would just avoid it. And avoid you.

I don't know what stage 2 or 3 is like, but when I get there, I'll let you know. One thing is for sure, I don't believe the break-up is final, but I've also been told that 'denial' is part of the first stage. So go figure.

A lesson I have learnt is, relationships require a lot of work, from both parties. If you're not willing to work everyday, do things that keep the romance and spark alive, respect each other, put each other first and compromise, it might be time for a serious chat. Both of you need to have the same goals for the future, so that you can achieve it together (meaning, marriage and children). Another important lesson, always have money saved up somewhere because that rainy day will come and it comes like a storm out of no where.

I'm a strong girl and I will survive! I've got exciting things in my life that I can focus on (like getting my own wheels in my name, an opportunity for me to start saving up and focus on my goals for a change). Men aren't everything, but yes, it's awful going to bed alone. That's when it hits you.



  1. wow, some really great advice there hun! Glad you being positive, this post could definitely be very helpful to a lot of girls dealing with a break up!

  2. *Hugs* a break-up is never easy. It always just takes time, great friends and quite a few bottle of wine to get past it :)


  3. Thanks girls! How does the saying go? 'This too shall pass'.


  4. Ah man, break ups eh. They are the worst. Hang in there sweet, sounds like you've got a good attitude about it all. x

  5. Oh honey - hang in there. Breakups are tough, but you are really processing everything beautifully based on what you wrote here.

    Brighter days are coming. I've been where you are.